The Ah-Ha Blog! is published daily by Felicia Joy of Ms. CEO Media Inc. Wednesdays focus on “Hot Topics,” covering an item in the news and Felicia’s take on it as it relates to entrepreneurship and life, or her thoughts on a hot topic of her own. Questions or comments regarding the blog can be posted simply by clicking on ‘Comment’ above. Felicia Joy is a real-world entrepreneur with nearly 10 years of experience in building businesses. In addition to her daily blog, Felicia hosts a weekly national talk radio show on entrepreneurship on www.msceoshow.com—and in June will begin publishing Ms. CEO Magazine for distribution to 100,000 women throughout the U.S. She is also an in-demand speaker who travels the country delivering her message of personal transformation and excellence in entrepreneurship.
Please Back Away from the Bull
So today I want to talk about something that is on my mind because of a recent personal experience and because I have seen evidence of it in the lives of good girlfriends, and far too many women in general — and that is the acceptance of bull in business and life.
We girls are smart. Our intuition, or sixth sense as many women call it, is keener than the smell of an old batch of collard greens (sorry, I couldn’t resist — I am a Southern girl, after all). Yet, we see bull walking up in the form of a bad or unnegotiated business deal — or in the form of a good looking or charming guy and we sweep that intuition right under the rug. Enough with that!
We work too hard, have too many demands on us, cater to too many people, jump through too many hoops, overcome too many odds, grin and bear it too many times and give of ourselves just one more time far too often to accept any bull being handed to us on a freshly shined silver platter.
This is an area where we can take a cue from some men or some of the toughest women in business. Demanding what you deserve doesn’t mean morphing into a sharp-tongued caricature of that dreaded “B” word. And it doesn’t mean losing your femininity or collaborative nature — it just means knowing your value and not losing yourself and everything you’ve worked so hard for. At some point, as hard as you have been working, you deserve more exposure, bigger profit margins, equitable wages, coveted shelf space, the right kinds of contracts, lucrative deals, uncompromised self respect, unwavering self dignity, unequivocal self love, the respect and consideration of others — and good karma; because believe you me, what goes around comes around magnified — good and bad.
We can’t keep bull away. It’s a part of growing stronger in life. But we sure don’t have to pat it on the back and invite it in. We can see it for what it is and tell it where to go if we care to give voice to it at all.
Here are five ways of identifying bull and five solutions for taking care of it:
- There is significantly more in it for them than there is in it for you; not a win-win situation. Someone presents you with a business deal or opportunity that requires your time, money and energy but they are unwilling to explain exactly how it will work or how you will gain from it financially and otherwise. And on top of that, they have no skin in the game. That’s bull. The solution: “Thanks, but no thanks.”
- You pick up the slack constantly and are accosted when you say “no more”. You’re dealing with someone who is always late, always canceling, always asking you to move mountains to change an event or meeting or deal at the last minute and is ticked when you finally say no. I can’t this time. That’s bull. The solution: “It’s been nice doing business with you.” And move on to work with someone who is responsible, considerate and respectful of others.
- He’s sweet as pie or fine as wine but here and there he displays the characteristics of a dead beat dude. You’re working hard—no let’s make it plainer; busting your butt—to build your business and be a better woman and you meet a great guy — or so you think — and he turns out to be a manipulator, user, cheater, deceiver, abuser, hanger-on, arrogant gift to the world (not!), or doesn’t give you the time and attention you deserve despite saying that he wants to be in a relationship with you. That’s bull. The solution: “Please don’t call me anymore. I wish you the best.” And mean it.
- You state your rates and stick to your guns and they won’t let it go. Your rates are your rates and you can communicate and demonstrate the value of your services related to your rates. Yet, someone wants to brow beat you down to working for almost nothing because they want your quality but don’t want to pay your price. That’s bull. The solution: “I wish I could help. I’d be glad to refer you to someone else or work with you when your budget changes.”
- You see the signs or she acts the part of that kind of woman. Another woman totally disregards and disrespects you in business or in life. Shame on her. Women know how hard it is to manuveur in a man’s world. Well, the solution for this is the same as for any scenario when any person — man or woman — is disregarding or disrespecting you: Get what is yours and move on. But I have a very endearing quote to share from Madeline Albright, the first woman U.S. Secretary of State: There is a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women.
If you see bull approaching or are staring it dead in the face—flush it fast and move on. Life is too short, business is too beautiful and you are too hot.
Be Encouraged,
Felicia Joy
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